Naruto: What If?
by Orange Lantern Tsume
Summary: Alternate Universe series What if every situation had turned out differently? What if the characters made different choices in different orders? Ch1: What if Naruto was like Gai and Lee?


Naruto: What If?

By Blackheart Syaoran

AUTHOR: I'm a **huge** fan of Marvel Comics' What If comic series, especially the older issues (the new ones are fantastic, but they only come out intermittently). Using that series as an inspiration, I applied the Almighty Question Mark to a number of scenarios from the Naruto world. Hopefully, you'll all enjoy what I have in store for you.

NOTE: Unless otherwise noted in my bio, _all_ of the chapters will be one-shots, since Marvel's series did its issues much the same way and managed to almost always achieve perfect stories within a limited amount of space. To honor that and to keep a timetable, I will only do multiple chapters for a single idea under very particular circumstances. Thank you.

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Chapter 1: What if Naruto was like Gai and Lee?

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For a long moment, a small eternity, Uzumaki Naruto stared at the attire displayed in the store's window. He'd already bought the clothes he needed (especially fresh boxers), and he was just heading home when he'd happened across a store that was apparently going out of business.

In the display window was a very strange article of clothing, being sold as part of a set, with the other items being a book about maximizing one's potential and a pair of heavy-looking training weights. In front of the garb was a small sign declaring the item practically free; Naruto wondered why no one had bought the super-cheap clothes yet.

Personally, he thought they were very ugly…and yet, he couldn't tear his eyes from them. For some inexplicable reason, he _wanted those clothes_!

His hand shook as he checked his money—there was just barely enough to cover any miscellaneous expenses for the week.

Without another thought he dashed into the store, confident that washing his clothes in the river instead of the Laundromat would make up for the loss of money.

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Umino Iruka's eyes rolled over the assembled class of Konohagakure Ninja Academy students. Everyone present had passed the academy's final exam, earning the rank of Genin, Junior Ninja.

As he finished going over the attendance list, Iruka noticed one student had not called out in answer to his name. Sighing, Iruka called out the boy's name a second time: "Uzumaki Naruto…?"

Silence.

"I said, Uzumaki Naru—"

"_Narutimate Entorii_!"

The older ninja's roll-call was interrupted by a piercing, shrill boy's shout, followed by a blur of motion as a mass of green spandex exploded from the doorway and into the classroom. Time slowed down as Iruka's ninja training kicked into gear, his eyes making out the emerald-colored form of Uzumaki Naruto as the boy did a flying kick through the air to his seat.

Once seated, the twelve-year-old Genin flashed an inhumanly-bright smile and said, "Here."

For a moment, Iruka could only stare at the lad. It had been amazing enough that he'd rapidly improved himself for his final year at the ninja academy, considering his first two years were abysmal. He'd started out improving vastly on the written exams, and had then gotten significantly better at sparring. His ninjutsu and genjutsu skills had not advanced as far, but Iruka was confident that with a Jounin-sensei, the boy would progress by leaps and bounds.

"Glad you could make it, Naruto," Iruka said, trying to keep the ridiculous smile from appearing on his own face; the boy's good-natured attitude was infectious like a pandemic. "Now, I will go ahead and list the team formations. Please keep in mind, some Genin teams still carry their number, so if I seem to skip around, it's because the missing number is already being used.

"Team Seven will consist of Haruno Sakura…Uzumaki Naruto—" Here the pink-haired girl groaned; Naruto had a huge crush on her, always begging her for dates and getting on her nerves. Surprisingly, though, he didn't seem to respond to the "good" news. "—and Uchiha Sasuke. Jounin-sensei is Hatake Kakashi."

Sakura gave a cry of joy; she was on Sasuke-kun's team! Briefly, she glanced again at Naruto, who still show no obvious emotion other than perhaps contentment. Did he not care about beating Sasuke anymore? He'd been acting like a complete weirdo ever since the beginning of the class's third academy year, and the two years before that he'd spent trying to outdo the Uchiha heir only to fail miserably. Sakura had been sure the blond would be pissed at having to share a team with a kid he despised, but Naruto apparently was unfazed by the news.

_Was it something_ I _did?_ Sakura wondered.

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Kakashi felt a lump form in his throat, and he discreetly swallowed to rid himself of it. He'd heard that the Uzumaki boy had gone through a complete personality change, one that "would make Maito Gai proud," but he hadn't expected this: Naruto, smiling like a blond-headed sun and wearing a might suit, probably one of the last in Fire Country; the abominable clothes had been one of the lowest-selling items in the village's entire history. Hopefully, Naruto didn't have many pairs.

"All right, we might as well get started talking about ourselves," Kakashi said, getting the Genin's attention. "Tell your team about yourself, your likes and dislikes, your dreams and hopes…anything you feel comfortable sharing." Inwardly, he thought, _Please Kami, don't let Naruto say anything about youth. Gai will never let me live it down_.

Sakura and (to a degree) Sasuke voiced normal personal info, and it was Naruto's turn.

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto," the boy began in a cheerful tone. "I like training, the village, my wonderful clothes—" Kakashi thanked the gods that his mask hid his mortified expression; Gai would definitely find out about this. "—my friends, and…"

All of a sudden, he seemed to brimming with energy, his eyes flashing.

"…And the power of youth!"

Kakashi sighed and put a hand over his face, shaking his head.

Raising her hand, Sakura asked, "Sensei, could you tell me why Naruto is on this team? Iruka-sensei told us that the teams needed to be balanced, but Sasuke's the top of the class, so shouldn't we be paired with the worst student to balance things out? Naruto can't still be the worst; his grades have significantly improved over last year's."

Kakashi hesitated in his answer, recalling the conversation with the other Jounin-sensei and with the Hokage about Naruto's squad placement.

_"…I still don't see why_ I _shouldn't get the boy," Yuuhi Kurenai protested. "From these reports, his taijutsu is very good, and his ninjutsu is developing nicely. Only his genjutsu skills need fixing, and I'm the best of us to teach him illusions." _

_"My, my, you're awfully eager to have the boy, Kurenai," Kakashi grinned. "Are you that desperate to get rid of Inuzuka? He's the only one who can be replaced without your team suffering a severe loss." _

_Kurenai frowned at the one-eyed man. "It doesn't matter to me if I have Kiba or not; his mother's made it clear that she wants him to stop goofing around regardless of who's teaching him. Naruto, however, has already made the decision to change himself, and he isn't good enough to advance some of his skills without an instructor. With him graduating, Umino won't be there for him." _

_"She has a point, Kakashi," Sarutobi Asuma nodded. "Will you actively teach the boy, having your hands full with Uchiha? That kid's got a huge chip on his shoulder, after all." _

_"And what would you do with him, Asuma? You're a hands-off kind of teacher, am I right?" Kakashi retorted. _

_Asuma held up his said hands defensively. "Hey, I'm just saying Uzumaki will be paired with a total head case; you'll be busy with one of them and Kurenai is offering to relieve you of some of the weight." _

_"Yes, why_ are _you so stubborn, Kakashi?" Kurenai asked with narrowed eyes. "The boy can't possibly do any worse under either my care or Asuma's." _

_"I meant no such thing," Hatake replied. "I simply think that, even with his scholastic improvements, he's still close to the bottom of the class. Even Nara Shikamaru scored higher than Naruto." _

_"Valid point, Kakashi," the Sandaime Hokage, Sarutobi Sasuke, spoke. "Not only that, but Naruto will need to help Uchiha Sasuke." When the Jounin looked at him, confused, he explained, "Sasuke is still deep within his own hell, endlessly reliving his clan's massacre. Naruto has the kind of personality that draws out the best in someone, and can make opening Sasuke up much easier than sticking a hot-headed Inuzuka boy on the team. Likewise, switching Naruto with a member of Team Ten would most likely result in the Akimichi boy suffering Sasuke's cold demeanor. Placing Shikamaru on Team Seven would achieve much the same result." _

_"Another point is that Shikamaru and Chouji are friends," Asuma stated. "Granted, Iruka's reported that Naruto has made mild friendships with Nara, Akimichi, and Inuzuka, but we'd be doing everyone, including ourselves, a disservice by putting him on a team other than the one that needs him most." _

_"Agreed," Kurenai sighed. "I guess, no matter how we cut it, Naruto is a part of Kakashi's squad."_

"That's privileged information, Sakura," Kakashi replied. He then handed the three slips of paper with the next day's survival exercise on it and told them not to be late.

"Yosh (okay/ all right)!" Naruto smiled. "I'll pass this survival exercise with passionate youth!"

"Please, Naruto, just stop it with the youth-speech," Kakashi pleaded. "And don't be so overconfident; this test will be very hard."

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Sakura's last nerve was fraying, and she felt as if she would explode at the slightest provocation. She had arrived early in the morning, at eight o'clock sharp like the paper had said, only to find that Naruto was already there, having arrived ten minutes earlier. Since then, he'd been doing light exercises, most of which consisted of handstand push-ups, sit-ups, or stretching. She had to admit that, despite the gaudy outfit, he actually looked kind of cute without his trademark goggles obscuring his forehead and messing up the natural style of his hair.

Sasuke arrived almost a full hour after Sakura, and proceeded to ignore his teammates, staring off into the distance. When Naruto politely asked him what he found so interesting, the Uchiha survivor merely glared at the blond.

Kakashi showed up at two hours till noon, jovial as if he was right on time, and explained the exercise. Immediately upon his conclusion, Sakura and Sasuke dove for the cover of the trees and worked around the terrain for a good spot to attack from, when the pink Genin noticed something.

_Is Naruto_…confronting _Kakashi-sensei?_

"You're an awfully bold one, aren't you?" Kakashi asked, lazily sizing the boy up; he presented little visible challenge.

"It wouldn't be too smart of me to run away from a mission rather than meet its challenges, Kakashi-sensei, so I've decided to do the right thing and try you out," was Naruto's reply.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow at the boy. "Clever lad. Well, I suppose I'd better teach you taijutsu, body techniques. Go ahead and come at me."

"Yosh!" was all Naruto said before flashing into existence right in front of Kakashi. His fist thrust forward and was blocked, but he responded with a flurry of blows in alternating succession. With each attack, Kakashi was forced back a step, and he had to duck Naruto's sweep kick lest he get his neck snapped.

_This boy is good at taijutsu, all right_, Kakashi thought.

As Naruto attempted a rising axe kick, Kakashi grabbed his foot and pushed up and back, sending the boy into a reverse flip. The Genin landed perfectly on the soil and instantly launched himself at Kakashi again, this time using a flying kick.

Again, Kakashi grabbed the limb, and then the other one when Naruto kicked at him with it. But just as he was about to send the blond sailing, Naruto drew himself into a crouch and shot both his fists at the Jounin's head. Reacting in a split-second, Kakashi dropped low, hurling the boy to the side and leaping back to gain some distance.

As Naruto was thrown, however, he sent a few shuriken at the Elite Ninja, forcing Kakashi to dodge once more.

Watching from the bushes, Sakura could only stare in surprise. She'd thought Naruto had gotten much better since he'd started his "fashion trend," but she didn't expect this! It made her wonder just what she'd seen in Sasuke to begin with; after all, Sasuke had never spoken a kind word to her, nor had he opted to immediately confront Kakashi-sensei for the bells they needed; Naruto, on the other hand, always spoke kindly to her and had been brave enough to attempt to capture the bells.

**_He's a real man, cha!_** Inner Sakura roared, pumping her fists in the air.

As she watched, Naruto got up from the ground, having been tossed away rather roughly by Kakashi.

"You might want to retreat for a while and catch your breath, Naruto," Kakashi advised. "There's little chance of you getting the bells this way."

The boy only shook his head. "Sorry, Kakashi-sensei, but Sakura-chan and Sasuke-kun aren't ready yet, so I have to distract you for just a bit more, okay?"

Kakashi's visible eye widened. Distract him? Then no doubt Sasuke was preparing to attack with Sakura providing backup! He'd been tricked!

Later, after he'd passed the team, he'd realize he'd fooled himself into believing Naruto's bluff. By then, however, he was satisfied that Team Seven was exactly what the medic-nin ordered…

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"No!" Sakura snapped at the Sandaime. "No more D-ranks! I'm sick of them! I want a real mission, now!"

Everyone present stared at the pink Genin. For a long moment, not a move or sound was made as Sarutobi considered the female's demand. The other two teams had also asked for at least one C-rank, preferably before the upcoming Chuunin Exam. However, there was only one C-rank at the moment, the one to escort Tazuna to Wave…

"Actually, I think Sakura has a point, Iruka," Sarutobi said, ending the scarred Chuunin's chastising lecture. "Inform Kurenai and Asuma that they will be sharing our remaining C-rank with Kakashi's squad."

Iruka's eyes widened, but he agreed to the Hokage's order.

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Yamanaka Ino and Sakura were trailing behind the other Genin, staying a couple meters ahead of Yuuhi Kurenai, who was bringing up the rear. The girls had intentionally done so, hoping to speak secretly between themselves about this development—and Naruto's weird outfit and attitude.

"Honestly, I don't know how _anyone_ can stand him," Ino whispered viciously. "Just look at the horrid bodysuit; he looks like a fruit!"

"He's not _that_ bad, Ino-pig," Sakura hissed back. "He's more of a man than _Sasuke_!"

Ino looked at Sakura as if she were crazy. "That's not true!"

Sakura smiled, reveling in the moment. "Oh, yes it is. In fact, I distinctly recall Sasuke-_coward_ hiding in the bushes while Naruto-kun directly challenged Kakashi-sensei for the bells we needed to pass our survival exercise. He has _all_ the right moves!"

While Ino stared at her rival in complete disbelief, Hyuuga Hinata and Naruto were ahead of them, the young heiress trying to make conversation but stumbling over her words.

"I just wanted to, um, to say, Naruto-kun, that I…um…" Hinata spoke in a trembling tone.

A smile on his face, the young Uzumaki said in a friendly tone, "It's okay, Hinata-chan. Just take a deep breath. You can tell me anything you want; I won't judge you."

Hinata blushed profusely and immediately turned her attention to the ground. For years, she'd been harboring an incredible love for Uzumaki Naruto, but had been too afraid to tell him.

But his smile was so friendly and inviting…!

"Tell me again why I have this many people to watch my back?" Tazuna asked Kakashi.

"Well," the Jounin chuckled, "Hokage-sama only had one C-rank mission, and the Genin were all complaining about doing too many D-ranks, so he decided to just make it a joint mission. A very funny story, actually."

"Isn't it supposed to be funny when you _start_ telling me the explanation?"

"That's Kakashi for you," Asuma shrugged. "He's a weird one."

Behind them and ahead of Naruto and Hinata were Chouji and Shikamaru.

Yawning, the pineapple-haired Genin grumbled, "Man, couldn't they have just given us something easy, like a border patrol mission?"

"Aw, don't complain, Shikamaru," Chouji smiled, popping some chips into his mouth. "I mean, we get to hang out with Naruto and Kiba, just like when we had detention all the time for goofing off during Iruka-sensei's class."

Shikamaru only frowned and kept on walking.

To the rear, just ahead of Kurenai, were Shino, Kiba, and Sasuke. While the Inuzuka was chatting animatedly with his ninken (ninja dog), the other two boys were silent and watchful of their surroundings; this was a mission, after all.

"You have any idea just what made him act like this?" Kiba asked Shino. "I almost wish he was still wearing that hideous orange track suit."

"Apparently, he decided to change his outlook on life to a more positive and upbeat one," Shino commented. "A wise choice, considering how isolated he used to be."

Kiba raised an eyebrow. "Don't tell me you'd dress like _that_?"

"It would not conform to my clan's beetle techniques, as the clothing is tight and restrictive, and thus would disrupt my attack and defense patterns." Shino shook his head. "I think I'll pass."

"The _dobe's_ only good for keeping other idiots distracted," Sasuke growled, apparently wanting the chatter to cease.

"Now, is that any way to speak of your teammate?" Kurenai chastised, looming over them.

Kiba managed to suppress a snicker while Sasuke glared at the woman to no effect; it seemed he didn't approve of people telling him what to think of others.

Meanwhile, in the trees, four rogue Mist ninja watched the large party pass through the forest.

"Seems like Tazuna managed to scrounge up some serious protection money," the leader, Momochi Zabuza, said, glowering darkly at the Leaf shinobi.

"It would not be too difficult it there was only one team," his apprentice, Haku, noted. "However, with three Jounin and nine Genin, even ones such as us would be hard-pressed to take such a challenge."

"Agreed," Zabuza nodded. "We'll set up as best an ambush as we can and hope that our plan works."

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Ino and Sakura loosed high-pitched, terrified screams as Kakashi was completely shredded by the spiked chain wielded by the two ninja that had exploded out of a puddle. Their screams jumped up even further, the color draining from their faces, as a flurry of senbon pierced Asuma's neck, dropping him in an instant.

Behind the others, Kurenai managed to take a step forward before a flash of steel made her pause. A second later, she split in half down the middle, and Kiba vomited up his breakfast while Hinata collapsed to her knees; Sakura and Ino finally fainted.

"Too easy!" Zabuza roared, lunging forward with his massive sword drawn back for another swing. "It's ov—"

"_Narutimate Entorii!_"

A blur of green and yellow plowed into Zabuza, blowing him back thirty full feet before he managed to stop himself. Around the Leaf-nin, the assassins paused, surprised that the strongest of them had been taken down so easily.

Using that brief moment of hesitation, Shikamaru used his Kage Mane no Jutsu (Shadow Possession Technique) to catch the red-and-white-masked attacker in an inescapable bind.

Sasuke used a kunai to pin the Demon Brothers' chain to a tree, allowing Shino to cover them in chakra-draining beetles, which quickly sapped all their stamina, knocking them out. As he did that, Chouji used Baika no Jutsu (Expansion Technique) and flattened Haku, giving Shikamaru a chance to recover. As one, the Genin formed a protective barrier around Tazuna, all of them ready for any attacks Zabuza would throw at them.

"They look pretty upset with you, Zabuza," a cool voice intoned behind the rogue Jounin.

Startled, the Demon of the Mist turned to find the three dead Konoha Jounin, now very much alive, standing right behind him.

"You must not know how to lay decent ambushes, Momochi," Asuma said with a frown. "We saw that attack a mile away."

"Now all we need to decide is how much effort we should put into capturing you," Kurenai remarked. "After all, Kirigakure has placed a rather handsome bounty on you and your friends; I'm sure Mizukage-sama will be very pleased to hear of your defeat."

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"I hate brats," Sabaku no Kankuro (Kankuro of the Desert) growled, hefting Sarutobi Konohamaru in one hand as he pulled back his fist to hit the boy.

"I won't be held responsible for this…" Kankuro's sister, Temari, said.

"Oi, you'd better let Konohamaru-sama go."

The Sunanin paused and turned to the speaker, a young boy with wild blond hair and a form-fitting green bodysuit.

Frowning, Kankuro asked, "And just why would we do that? He's bothering us."

The boy shrugged. "Maybe, but his grandfather, Sandaime-sama (Lord Third), would have to take the day off and teach a couple of Sunagakure thugs a lesson for attacking his grandson. Might even be cause to ban you from the Chuunin Exam."

The outsiders froze. If they got themselves banned, there was no telling how furious the Suna Council—or Orochimaru—would be!

Taking a quick step forward, Temari flashed an apologetic smile. "Hey now, there's no need for that! See? Kankuro's already let him go."

Acting on her not-so-subtle cue, Kankuro released the small boy, also smiling apologetically. "Yeah, didn't mean a thing; we were just goofing off!"

"Ha!" the scarf-bearing eight-year-old cried. "You're scared of Naruto-nii-san, aren't you? You big bully!"

Kankuro felt his blood boil, and almost took a step forward when another boy's voice barked, "Kankuro, don't!"

All heads snapped upwards to the speaker, who was standing upside down on the tree branch behind Sasuke.

"Gaara…" Kankuro breathed, fear evident in his tone.

The newcomer vanished in a cloud of sand and reappeared between the other Suna ninja. Straightening his posture, he turned his nerve-wracking gaze on Naruto, who seemed to be neutral in his emotions.

_This one is…brimming with power…Just who is he?_ Gaara wondered.

"Excuse my teammates," Gaara said, his voice completely void of emotion. "They lack patience."

Naruto, smiling, nodded. "Of course. Are you Sunanin just arriving?"

"Yes," Gaara answered. "I am Sabaku no Gaara. And you…?"

"Uzumaki Naruto," was the easy reply. He then turned to Temari. "And what is your name?"

Blushing at the sudden attention, Temari hastily answered, "S-sabaku no Temari; I'm the oldest of our family."

"Whatever, let's just go already," Kankuro growled.

"See you at the Exam!" Naruto said with a wave as the trio stalked off to their hotel.

Temari was lucky her back was turned, because now she was blushing very heavily.

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"What's going on here?" Sakura asked as she and her teammates approached room 301.

Ahead of them, another ninja team was attempting to enter the room, only to be knocked back rather viciously by a couple of boys; the entire hallway was steadily filling with exam candidates who were denied entry.

Sasuke was about to attempt to force his way through when Naruto suddenly screamed, "I don't believe it!"

Before anyone could stop him, he dashed forward and stood in front of a boy who was, shockingly, dressed exactly like him, sporting the same green leotard. For a moment, complete silence reigned as everyone present took in the bizarre spectacle.

Then Naruto said softly, "Another who exercises the beautiful power of youth." He abruptly flipped the boy a thumb's up and a blinding smile. "Yosh! Another believer!"

Instantly, the other boy leapt to his feet, his battered appearance gone, replaced by overwhelming energy. "Yes! I knew that Gai-sensei's teachings would reach others! The flames of youth burn brightly in you!"

Sasuke groaned as Sakura felt her eye twitch badly; one green-suited nutcase was enough for Team Seven.

"Do you know what the best part of youth is?" Rock Lee, the other boy, asked Naruto excitedly.

"What?"

"The youth!"

Naruto's face lit up as if he'd just been named Hokage. "That…is…so…_awesome_!"

_Please_, Sakura mentally begged, _someone please shut them up_…

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"Anybody in particular you want information on?" Yakushi Kabuto asked the assembled Genin.

"Uzumaki Naruto," Sasuke, Kiba, Sakura, Ino, and Hinata said at the same time.

Kabuto blinked at the multiple request, but produced the card and showed it to the Rookies. "Uzumaki Naruto. Missions to date: 11 D-rank and…1 A-rank. Wow, there aren't any Genin I've known who get A-ranks, especially an academy-fresh rookie. His skills show above-average taijutsu, average ninjutsu, and below-average genjutsu, with ningu (ninja tools) at an average level and his chakra…heh, his chakra is incredibly high. That's some stat listing."

_Holy crap_, Kiba thought, barely suppressing a shudder. _He's_ way _higher than he gave himself away as. He's actually_ better _than I am. Better not give him a reason to send flowers to Mom._

_But…how?_ Sasuke inwardly demanded. _He's still the dead-last! He couldn't be this good! Not even this much skill was displayed in Wave!_

"Ha!" Sakura grinned. "Read it and weep, Ino-pig! My teammate is better than anyone else's."

Ino didn't respond, but merely stared in total astonishment at Naruto's advanced level. If he was this good, why wasn't he already a Chuunin?

_Naruto-kun…you're really incredible!_ Hinata thought, secretly praising her crush. _If only I was brave enough to tell you how I really feel…_

Deeper into the crowd of Chuunin-hopefuls, Gaara and his siblings listened in, amazed themselves by the news.

"An _A_-rank mission? Not even we were given one, and we're the best team in Suna!" Kankuro hissed. "How could a freak like Uzumaki pick up a job like that?"

"Maybe if you didn't underestimate your opponents, you'd know," Gaara muttered.

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"I don't…understand…" Neji gasped as he lay on his back, the walls of the Arena looming over him. In front of everyone, the first match of the Chuunin Exam finals had been decided.

The Hyuuga prodigy had _lost_.

Several yards away, Uzumaki Naruto, his green bodysuit badly torn and his facial features battered, stood bent over, huffing and wheezing. He tried to take a step forward and caught himself before he keeled over, and then shifted his gaze to Neji.

"How…how could I have lost?" Neji weakly demanded. "It wasn't supposed to go like this…I'm better than you…"

"…And that is…why you…lost," Naruto coughed, stumbled slightly as he tried to walk again. "I failed the academy graduation exam twice because I was trying too hard, and the third time…"

Neji heard the blond trail off, and desperately tried to sit up, but only fell to his back again.

"…The third time I passed because I stopped trying to force things to happen, and just let them come along of their own accord." Naruto paused as he took deep breaths. "I learned to appreciate the world around me instead of trying to replace it." He paused again. "Maybe you should do the same, Neji-san."

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Naruto scratched his chin as he thought about whether he should stay in the hotel like Jiraiya-sama had told him to…or get in some great workouts!

_It's only a half-day's walk back to Leaf, and I'm certainly capable of running faster than that_…

With a grin, the blond left a quick note on the nightstand and dashed out the door…

At the same time, Uchiha Sasuke was racing toward his teammate…

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"Are you after Sasuke?" Kakashi asked, forcing the words out despite his exhaustion.

Meters away, Uchiha Itachi and Hoshigaki Kisame eyed the Copy Ninja and his allies, Yuuhi Kurenai and Sarutobi Asuma.

After a long silence, Itachi said, "No."

"Hey, Itachi," Kisame interrupted, "this guy is asking an awful lot of questions. Should I shut him up?"

"Go ahead and try," Kakashi taunted. "I know all about your 'Akatsuki' organization, including your goal to capture the Kyuubi no Kitsune (Nine-Tailed Fox) inside my student, Uzumaki Naruto."

Kisame's jaw dropped while Itachi, impassive, ordered, "Change of plans: Bring Kakashi along and kill the other two."

"My pleasure," the shark-like ninja grinned as he hefted Samehada (Sharkskin) and dashed forward—

"_Narutimate Entorii!_"

—Only to have to jump aside as a blur of yellow and green flew past him and plunged foot-first into the river.

The others (save for Itachi) gaped as none other than Uzumaki Naruto pulled himself out of the river and stood on the water's surface. The lad struck a fighting stance, one arm behind him at the waist, and the other inviting his enemies to attack.

Kisame grinned. "Heh, little brat decided to save us the trouble of hunting him down."

Itachi was about to reply when thick, pink, slime-laced tendrils snaked out of the river. The tendrils moved faster than either criminal could react, ensnaring them by the legs, arms, waist, and neck. As Kisame was forced into a spread-eagle position, Itachi's face was shifted (painfully) into looking straight up.

"Well, well, well," an older man's voice commented. "Looks like I won't have to wait for you two to come to me."

As Jiraiya stepped onto the river, the tendrils began constricting, and the sounds of bones breaking could be heard. Kisame gave a strangled cry, but Itachi only allowed a small gasp to slip through his lips.

There was a final series of cracks, and then silence reigned.

"Glad that's over with," Jiraiya said, and turned to face the Jounin and Naruto. "So, anybody mind telling me just what was going on before I showed up?"

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"…You know, Kakashi," Gai was saying loudly, a broad smile on his face, "I really think those students of yours are going to go places."

Kakashi sighed inwardly while replying, "Sure, Gai, sure. Now, mind telling me why you asked me to have lunch with you?"

_Oh, he's catching on_, Gai thought. "Well, I just thought that since all we do is compete against each other, a little break to keep the tension friendly would be a good thing."

Kakashi eyed the other man warily and said, "So you say."

"Ah, here's the place!" Gai said cheerfully, directing Kakashi to the small eatery where, surprisingly, a lot a yelling was going on.

Ducking underneath the entrance flaps, both men froze at the utterly unbelievable sight in front of them: Uzumaki Naruto, clad in his signature might suit, was being pulled in multiple directions by several girls, all of whom were screaming at each other their reasons for why they loved Naruto the most.

The boy's left arm was held by Yamanaka Ino; his right arm by Haruno Sakura; his left leg by Hyuuga Hinata; his right leg by Sabaku no Temari; and his chest had Ichiraku Ayame's arms around it, with the ramen-girl's father, Teuchi, maintaining a fierce grip on his daughter's shoulders so she wouldn't be pulled over the counter.

"Let go, Sakura!" Ino growled. "You won't treat Naruto-kun like he needs to be!"

"And you will?" Sakura retorted. "He taught me how to be a better person! I owe him _everything_!"

"Ha!" Ino cackled triumphantly. "I got one better! Not only did he show me how to be a better person, he also gave me back my best friend after you broke off our friendship! So there—_I_ love him more!"

"T-that's not true!" Hinata declared, forcing herself to stop stuttering. "Naruto-kun has always been looked down upon, but he never gave up, never stopped trying to prove himself to the village. He's just like me, fighting alone but with friends in your heart." She gave a powerful tug of Naruto's leg, nearly yanking Ayame over the counter. "I'm in love with him!"

A soft gasp made Kakashi and Gai turn their heads to find Yuuhi Kurenai and Sarutobi Asuma standing beside them, also watching the bizarre love-tug-of-war.

"What is it, Kurenai?" Gai asked.

"I had no idea Hinata was so deeply smitten with Uzumaki," the genjutsu expert answered. "She'd always blush and stammer around him, but I just thought it was a small crush, not something so potent…"

"Not as surprised as I am," Asuma commented. "Honestly, I thought Ino hated boys to the point of liking girls."

The Jounin turned back to the raging quarrel as Temari bellowed, "None of you understand anything about him! He fixed my brother and saved my village! We owe him our very existence!"

"Like hell you do!" Ino snorted.

"Listen, you little wench," Temari seethed, "Suna's council has ordered that reparations be made to the Leaf, and plans were made for a political marriage to unify the villages."

At this news, everyone went still.

Temari continued, "Needless to say, I volunteered immediately. Not only am I a highly-rated Genin, I'm also the Yondaime Kazekage's daughter; I'm impossible to resist in politics." She wrapped her arms more tightly around Naruto's leg and said, "Don't worry, I'll still let Naruto-kun see you around the village…once we're officially married, that is."

"You soulless victimizers!" Ayame shrieked. "You're the ones who don't know anything! Father and I have known Naruto-kun for years, ever since he started eating here. He's practically family!"

"Then I guess that makes you an incestuous trollop!" Sakura hissed.

Ayame's eyes lit up with fury as she renewed her efforts to "save her Naruto-kun," and the other girls followed suite.

The four Jounin, however, simply stood by and watched, rendered helpless with fascination. After a moment, Kakashi turned his head and stared at Kurenai intensely. When she realized he was eyeing her, she asked, "What?"

Instead of answering her, Kakashi turned to Gai and asked, "Hey, Gai, um…do you have a spare might suit I can borrow?"

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AUTHOR: Well, I hope you all enjoyed the first installment. Please remember that the rating will be changed to **Mature** after a few chapters, since some of my ideas are dark, erotic, or just plain weird.

Next Universe: What if the ninja really were hidden, kidnapping and indoctrinating others into their world?

READ N REVIEW!


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